Love shouldn’t hurt
- Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever
- Friday, 06 September 2024 09:13
Subtle Abuse Behaviors
by Teresia Smith
Do you think you can always tell if someone is being abused? It’s easier to see abuse if someone is yelling at their partner and threatening to harm them, or possibly throwing things across a room, pushing them into a wall while calling them belittling names. Those are all clear signs that abuse is happening. But what about the more subtle abusive behaviors? Often a victim struggles to identify the abuse, doubting their perceptions.
Love shouldn’t hurt
- Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever
- Thursday, 29 August 2024 08:16
Minimizing Abuse
by Teresia Smith
“There is no justification for abuse by a partner, but it’s also hard to admit you’re a victim” (Amanda Kippert). Many intimate partner abuse survivors have a hard time accepting that their partner’s behaviors are abusive. There is a part of them that wants to excuse behaviors and even blame themselves. Until you are out of the relationship and can look back with clarity, you may not truly understand the abuse you experienced.
Love shouldn’t hurt
- Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever
- Monday, 26 August 2024 08:49
Let Go and Move Forward
by Teresia Smith
Recently I read a blog by Angel Chernoff where she shared this thought:
Love shouldn’t hurt
- Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever
- Monday, 19 August 2024 08:28
Supporting a Sexual Abuse Survivor
by Teresia Smith
The shame a sexual assault victim experiences is increased when they are not allowed to talk about the trauma. Rebecca Street, a survivor of sexual abuse, says that this is one reason survivors tend to sometimes blurt out their story to complete strangers. Just the act of speaking of what happened to them is an effort to heal. In society, it is often considered inappropriate to discuss any trauma.
Love shouldn’t hurt
- Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever
- Tuesday, 13 August 2024 09:16
Green Flags in Relationships
by Teresia Smith
Often, we hear about the red flags in relationships. While those are very important to be aware of, it is also important to talk about green flags. Many young people may not know what a healthy relationship actually looks like, so it is helpful to review healthy attributes too. We are conditioned to look for danger more than safety so green flags often don’t get the appreciation they deserve.
Let’s look at some safe dating green flags covered by Domesticshelters.org:
Trust is possibly the most important factor in a relationship. Your partner being open and honest with you and not keeping secrets is a huge green flag. You can trust each other to have friendships and family relationships without jealousy or suspicion.
Respect. Your partner should respect your boundaries, listen to you when you say no to something, and not pout, get angry or guilt-trip you if they don’t agree. Your partner also should respect your opinion on things even if it differs from theirs without demeaning or putting you down.
Communication. You should be able to talk to your partner about your feelings without fear of judgment or repercussions. You must feel like you have a voice in this relationship. Nothing about this relationship should make you feel like you have to make yourself smaller for them, and that includes your voice. They listen to you, they give you space to speak your thoughts and feelings, and they don’t criticize you in any way that makes you feel like you should keep your thoughts to yourself.
Dependability. Being able to rely on your partner to be there for you when you need them. And they follow through and do what they say they will do.
Happiness. You should feel happier after spending time with this person and not drained or anxious. Your partner should make you feel better about yourself every time you spend time together. You feel comfortable and safe around this person and nothing about them makes you feel unsure or uneasy in their company.
Patience. Your partner lets things in the relationship move at a pace you’re comfortable with rather than rushing you to get serious quickly.
Space. You deserve to have personal space when needed without making you feel guilty for doing something without them. There’s no pushing for more time with you, longer phone conversations, or asking you to cancel other plans so that you can see them instead.
Kindness. Your partner is considerate, even if you’re in a disagreement. Your partner apologizes when wrong. Also, your partner is kind to others such as your friends, family members, teachers and others he comes in contact with.
Honesty. You can trust your partner to be truthful. They give you no reason to feel like they are dishonest or hiding things. You can be your full selves around each other; there is nothing either of you feel you need to hide.
Intimacy Boundaries. You feel safe talking to your partner about intimacy, and they respect your boundaries. They do not pressure you in any way that makes you uncomfortable. They are happy to take things at your pace; they do not make you feel rushed. They respect how much you do or do not want to let them into your life just yet. There is no push from them to speed things up or get too serious too quickly.
These are just a few examples meant to be guidelines to look for and it’s okay if the person doesn’t check every box on the list. There may be other positive signs that aren’t listed here. Be educating yourself, you will be as well informed on the green flags as you’ve become with the red ones and be able to make wiser choices in relationships.
Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to victims of intimate partner violence and sexual assault. You may reach a crisis counselor 24/7 at our HELPline at 256.716.1000. We maintain an office in Jackson County and you may reach an advocate locally at 256.574.5826 for an appointment. You are not alone.
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