Love shouldn’t hurt – ever

What Was I Thinking?

Do you ever look back at some of the decisions you’ve made and wondered, what was I thinking? Well you probably weren’t thinking. Instead, you may have been acting on your emotions and not using logic. If we understand how emotions play into our decision-making process, we can learn to find a balance between reason and intuition, and to make choices that help us live the best life we can.

Why do human beings make bad choices and remain steadfast in those choices even when they prove terrible? There is no one answer. But in general, acting out of emotion and not out of reason can cloud our thinking and influence us to do things that are not in our best interests. This can lead us down a rocky road since we may attempt to justify our choices by making other bad choices.
Why do we sometimes insist on continuing with a bad choice even when it’s clear that the choice was wrong? This may have a lot to do with our ego and whether or not we can admit that we’ve made a mistake. We may feel that we have some sort of obligation and need to stick with it. In a bad relationship, we may assume that things will eventually improve and our choice will be proven to be a good one in the end. We keep hoping things will work out. This is what leads many to stay in an abusive relationship even when we know we should leave.

The word “lemon” is used to describe a faulty or defective item. Often, “lemon” describes a second hand car that, once bought, turns out to have serious faults. Sometimes we try to hold onto lemons in our life and we try to make lemonade instead of letting the lemons go. If we are to heal and move forward, we need to be able to admit when we made a poor choice and not let our ego prevent us from doing this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing this. Learned wisdom comes from examining the mistakes that we make. So admit when you are wrong and stop trying to make lemonade out of rotten lemons.

To make a more balanced choice, acknowledge the way you’re feeling and recognize how those emotions may mislead your thinking and influence your behavior. Before making a tough decision, list out the pros and cons and be honest in how this decision may affect your life. Seeing the facts on paper can help you think more rationally about your options and prevent emotions from getting the best of you. It also helps to find a trusted person to talk through your options before making a decision.

Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to survivors of intimate partner violence and sexual assault. We offer a safe place to work through emotions to help you move forward and heal. You may reach our Jackson County office at 256.574.5826 for an appointment. You may also speak to a trained crisis counselor 24/7 at our HELPline at 256.716.1000. You are not alone.

-Teresia Smith

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