Love shouldn’t hurt – ever

Ten signs a relationship is moving too fast
by Rebecca Hieronymi

Dating can be fun, invigorating, and satisfying, but it can also be straight up confusing. Perhaps you’ve been with your partner for a few weeks now and feel excited about the future, but how do you know if your butterflies are because of them and not from the fear of things not working out? Here are 10 signs a relationship is moving too fast:
1) Your partner still talks about their ex: Knowing that you’re someone’s rebound can hurt. If your partner still checks up on their ex’s social media, it’s a dead giveaway that they’re not fully invested in you.

2) You question your happiness when you’re with them: All of your actions may indicate you want to be with them, you go on dates and get along well with their friends, but something still doesn’t feel quite right.

3) You’re making big decisions before even meeting their family: Maybe you don’t even know their favorite color yet, and yet, you’re already talking about moving in together. Making big decisions before getting to know someone well can be a recipe for disaster in the future.

4) Everyone around you is in a relationship, so you want to make it official: Who doesn’t appreciate Instagram likes or sharing happy news on Facebook? But, if the idea of being “official” excites you more than the actual person you’re with, you might be more concerned about fulfilling social expectations rather than having a fulfilling relationship.

5) You trust them before getting to really know them: Playing hard-to-get is definitely not a healthy way to someone’s heart, but neither is being vulnerable too soon. There are some things you should know about your partner first, like how well they can compromise and what they are like on a bad day before being too vulnerable and trusting.

6) You think they’re perfect: Putting your partner on a pedestal doesn’t actually mean they are “the one.” When you are overly infatuated, you fail to see your partner’s flaws which play a huge role in compatibility and long term stability.

7) You mistake fighting for passion: Making up after a disagreement can be nice, but if the two of you are doing that a lot (fighting and making up), you might want to ask yourself if this is healthy and where the relationship is going.

8) You get impatient to hear back from them: A healthy relationships allows both people to have space to do their own thing. If you find yourself getting mad when your partner responds to your text too slow or over-analyzing every single emoji, word, or exclamation point, or vice-versa, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

9) You’re ignoring the red flags: Does your partner want kids but being a parent was never on your radar? Or maybe you see yourself moving to a city but they prefer the county? You can only escape reality for so long before it catches up with you. Be honest about your wants and needs in the beginning to prevent heartache in the future.

10) You’ve said “I love you” after a few dates: One study showed it can take an average of three months to know whether you love someone. If you or your partner are saying “I love you” after only a couple of dates, it’s time to slow down. Moving too quickly is a big red flag of abuse. There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with them and people often realize it too late when they’ve already made future plans.

Do any of these signs sound familiar? Are you facing troubles in your relationship or are confused about what is healthy? Crisis Services of North Alabama can help. Please contact us locally at 256.574.5826, on our 24/7 HELPline at 256.716.1000, or at our website www.csna.org. Advocates provide free, confidential support to survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.

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