Love Shouldn’t Hurt- Ever: 06/17/20
Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever
- Thursday, 18 June 2020 13:09
I feel confident in saying that what many of us want is to be in a happy and meaningful relationship.by Rebecca Hieronymi
The initial spark you feel upon meeting a potential partner is great! But, it takes a lot more than attraction to have a healthy relationship and ensure longevity. Here are twelve signs of a healthy relationship:
- Open Communication – Every great relationship starts with transparency. Are you able to communicate openly about anything with your partner? Are you able to openly discuss your personal needs and taboo topics? Good communication also means both of you take the time to listen and empathize with each other, have welcoming body language, and use respectful language.
- Disagreements – This might sound strange but sometimes arguing is actually healthy in a relationship. This should not be confused with destructive fighting in which couples use aggressive behavior and language to hurt each other. Couples who communicate well can argue effectively. Both parties should feel safe and comfortable with stating their opinions while trying to understand the other person’s point of view. If you cannot openly communicate, you’re probably just bottling up your feelings and letting them turn into resentment. Also, know when take responsibility when you are wrong and apologize.
- Privacy – It’s normal to seek relationship advice from close friends and family when you are in conflict with your partner. However, when you make your problems public on social media you can damage the trust you’ve built with your partner. We all need some sense of privacy in order to feel safe and secure in our relationships.
- You Don’t Hold Grudges – It is normal to get a little agitated with your partner from time to time and you both may find things that get on your nerves as you get to know each other. We may even say or do things that can upset our partner, things that we don’t mean. Whether it was you or your partner that caused the hurt, if a sincere apology has been given then holding a grudge can hurt your relationship in the long run. When you’re upset be sure to talk things out and learn to let go.
- Expectations – The “perfect” partner does not exist and it takes a lot of work to keep a relationship going. So, be realistic with your expectations. The key to long-lasting relationships is commitment, open communication, and compromise. You should, however, have expectations for how you want your partner to treat you and be willing to leave a relationship if your needs are not being met or you are being abused.
- Time and Space – Being in a healthy relationship means you both have separate lives, interests, and friends. It is not healthy to be glued at the hip! It is essential to have a life outside of the relationship and take time and space for yourself. You should be able to maintain your own sense of individuality without fearing that your partner will be jealous or resentful.
- Trust – Trust means respecting your partner’s decisions and feeling secure. Asking someone for constant updates on their whereabouts, who they’re with, or stalking them on social media is a sign of trust issues or co-dependency. Healthy couples can spend time away from each other without worrying about what the other is doing.
- Spending Time Together – A healthy relationship involves taking time out of your schedule to connect with your partner. You should enjoy spending time together no matter what activity you choose to do. It shouldn’t feel like an obligation to spend time together, but a joy.
- Friendship – It is important to feel comfortable with your partner. Healthy couples can confide in each other and talk about anything without fear of judgement.
- You Make Decisions Together – A relationship shouldn’t be a power struggle. Healthy relationships are a partnership that allows both people to have equal say.
- Intimacy – Intimacy is a form of bonding that is extremely important in relationships. Spending quality time together, giving gifts, using words of affirmation, or other forms of love languages maintain a healthy relationship.
- You Make Each Other Better People–Supporting your partner is not the same as fixing them. In a healthy relationship you support each other’s dreams and goals and help each other learn and grow as individuals but you cannot “fix” them.
Are there items on this list that you and your partner practice regularly? If you see red flags or signs that you may not be in a healthy relationship, reach out to a close friend, family member, or a domestic violence victim advocate. Our advocates provide a safe, non-judgmental space where you talk about your concerns and learn about unhealthy behaviors that can turn into domestic violence. If you or someone you know has experienced intimate partner violence, Crisis Services of North Alabama can help. Please contact us locally at 256.574.5826, on our 24/7 HELPline at 256.716.1000, or at our website www.csna.org. Advocates provide free, confidential support to survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.