Abusive Dating Relationships
by Teresia Smith
Dating violence is more common than you may think, especially among teens and young adults. Loveisrespect.org reports 1 in 3 U.S. teens will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from someone they’re in a relationship with before becoming adults. February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month (TDVAM). This is an issue that impacts everyone – not just teens – but their parents, teachers, friends and communities as well.
What are some warning signs that your teen or other loved one may be in an abusive dating relationship? Dating violence looks much like domestic violence. Breakthecycle.org lists the following warning signs:
•Physical Abuse: Any intentional use of physical force with the intent to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon.
•Verbal or Emotional Abuse: Non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking.
•Sexual Abuse: Any action that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including rape, coercion or restricting access to birth control.
•Digital Abuse: Use of technologies and/or social media networking to intimidate, harass or threaten a current or ex-dating partner such as demanding passwords, checking cell phones, cyber bullying, non-consensual sexting, excessive or threatening texts or stalking on social media.
•Stalking: Being repeatedly watched, followed, monitored or harassed. Stalking can occur online or in person, and may or may not include giving unwanted gifts.
That’s a great list, but how can these warning signs show up in everyday dating life?
Red flags can be as subtle as: 1) Insulting you or criticizing you or embarrassing you in public, often under the guise of “just kidding”. 2) Undermining your confidence by telling you that no one else will ever love you. 3) Controlling what you do, what you eat, who you can and cannot see, and even what you wear. 4) Exerting their physical dominance through aggressive play. 5) Reading your emails, texts, or messages and making you to give them your passwords.6) Getting mad if you spend time with other friends or family, 7) Demanding sexual activity or else they will leave, and 8) Constantly watching or following you.
It’s really all about domination. Rarely does a relationship start out by being abusive. Normally, there is pursuit and wooing in the beginning. Every relationship is different and abuse can happen on the first date; however, dating abuse typically grows over a period of time. It is a pattern of abusive behaviors that are meant to exert power and control over a partner.
Parental involvement is a key protective factor in helping your teen avoid, or if necessary, escape from an abusive dating relationship. Make sure your teen is comfortable coming to you when they need help, educate yourself so you can help your teen learn to discern abusive behaviors and always let them know they can confide in you. Watch for changes in your teen such as mood, appearance, grades, and things they are involved in, as these changes can be warning signs that something is wrong. Teen dating violence can impact physical, emotional, and mental health and lead to depression, anxiety, and even substance abuse. Together, we can raise awareness about teen dating violence and promote safe, healthy relationships.
Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to victims of intimate partner violence and sexual assault. We have trained crisis counselors who can provide you with crisis counseling, safety planning, education, support groups, court advocacy, referrals, and more. You may reach the Jackson County office at 256.574.5826. We also offer a HELPline where you can talk to someone 24 hours a day at 256.716.1000. Reach out. You are not alone.