Love shouldn’t hurt

Abuse- When It’s Not Violent —Yet
by Teresia Smith

Often, people do not identify a relationship as abusive until it becomes physically violent. However, other behaviors qualify as abuse. Some partners are psychologically abusive. They manipulate, degrade, and gaslight the victim. These behaviors can look like some of the following:
•not respecting the victim’s boundaries
•blaming the victim for the abuse that occurs
•isolating the victim from friends and family
•threatening to harm or take away the victim’s children
•threatening to harm pets
•purchasing a weapon as a means of intimidation
•displaying excessive jealousy

Verbal or emotional abuse can always escalate to physical violence. In fact, throughout an abusive relationship, it is common for abuse to escalate. Escalation is very dangerous because the abuser is grasping at whatever they feel necessary to maintain power in the relationship.
The abuse tends to escalate when they feel they are losing control over the victim. Escalation often serves as a warning from the abuser and should not be taken lightly. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship can be when the victim decides to leave. This is why it is so important to develop a safety plan beforehand. Crisis Services of North Alabama has trained advocates who can assist with forming a safety plan to exit the relationship as safely as possible.

It is important to remember that some abusers will stop at nothing to maintain power and control over their victim, including death. If you are experiencing escalation and they threaten to kill you, you must take this threat very seriously. The presence of weapons in the home can also heighten the risk.
It is always up to you whether you choose to stay in or leave an abusive relationship. However, you do not have to accept more and more dangerous behaviors as a normal part of life. You deserve to be safe and happy in your relationship.

Abuse in any form is wrong and you do not have to accept it and stay.Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to victims of intimate partner violence and sexual assault. We have trained crisis counselors who can provide you with crisis counseling, safety planning, support groups, court advocacy, referrals, and more. You may reach the Jackson County office at 256.716.1000. We also offer a HELPline where you can talk to someone 24 hours a day at 256.716.1000. Reach out. You are not alone.

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