Love shouldn’t hurt

Love Shouldn't Hurt - Ever

Monday, 25 November 2024 12:11

Holidays As an Adult Survivor of Childhood Abuse
by Teresia Smith

The Christmas season seems to be starting earlier this year.
Two weeks before Thanksgiving we can already see the sights and sounds of the holidays such as festive lights and decorations, cheerful holiday music, and warm and fuzzy Hallmark and Lifetime channel holiday movies, popping up everywhere.
The joyful spirit may bring joy and happiness to most, but for adult survivors of childhood abuse, the holiday season can bring emotional turbulence.
Even if you don’t have a trauma history, the season can bring much stress.

We all want to give the best gifts, have the best parties, and decorate our homes to feel magical. However, when you carry the burden of surviving childhood abuse, the seasonal pressure we place on ourselves can become an emotional ticking time bomb.

Family get-togethers can cause high anxiety as often adult survivors are placed in situations where they have to interact with the person who abused them when they were a child or family members who didn’t believe them and didn’t intercede.
Memories can come flooding back and trigger anger, anxiety, depression, nightmares, and more.
So how can you get through the holidays and manage these emotions?

First of all, place yourself at the top of the priority list. It’s the season of giving so give yourself a break.
Secondly, set healthy boundaries. You have every right not to interact with your abuser. Just because they are a relative does not change that. You have the right to say “no” to anyone or anything that threatens your inner peace. You decide what is best for you. That could mean not attending a family gathering or only joining family members that make you feel safe. Never place guilt on yourself for doing what is necessary for your mental health.

Make sure to rely on your support system and connect with them. Allow them to offer you compassion without judgment, reassurance, and companionship. Make new memories with those who bring you joy.
Lastly, but most importantly, be kind to yourself. Take time to relax, breathe, and utilize self-care to maintain your inner peace.
Do things that bring you joy. Forget the postcard pictures and movies that portray perfect families and celebrations because those don’t exist in reality. Don’t put impossible demands on yourself and find what works for you.

If you are finding yourself struggling emotionally during this holiday season, Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services for survivors of abuse. You may reach our Jackson County office at 256.574.5826 for an appointment with a trained advocate. We also offer a 24/7 HELPline, where you can speak with a trained crisis counselor, at 256.716.1000. Reach out. You are not alone.