Love shouldn’t hurt-ever

Shared Wisdom
by Teresia Smith

I recently read an article that contained a lot of life wisdom and wanted to share an edited version here. This advice is from an 80 year old father to his son, Marc Chernoff. To read the complete article, go to
1. Your 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s won’t feel like your 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s.
Adults are just older children. When you get older you won’t feel as old as you imagine you will. For the most part, you still feel exactly the way you feel right now, just a little wiser and more confident.

2. Bad things will happen to you and your friends.
Part of living and growing up is experiencing unexpected troubles in life. The hardest thing we can do in these kinds of situations is to be tempered in our reactions. To want to scream, but to be wiser and more disciplined than that and remember that emotional rage only makes matters worse.

3. Everyone can make a significant difference.
Making one person smile can change the world – maybe not the whole world, but their world. Be patient, present and kind. Compliment people. Magnify their strengths, not their weaknesses. This is how to make a difference, in your own life above all, and in all the lives you touch.

4. First impressions aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
Everyone and everything seems normal from a distance, or at a glance. The 10th, 20th, or even the 50th impression is when you start to truly understand someone else for who they truly are. Pay attention to their habits and rituals. We are what we habitually do.

5. Big results come when you narrow your focus.
Concentrate your efforts on smaller and smaller areas. Specialize. When your efforts are diffused over a wide area they won’t have much of an impact. So focus on smaller areas and your efforts will be felt more fully

6. Love yourself.
Become the best version of you. Strive to be the “you” you want to be. Nourish your mind and body. Don’t stop learning. Educate yourself every day until you die. Study. Read. Ask questions. Listen. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back too.

7. Most of the time you just have to go for it, again and again.
Put your uncertainty and fears aside for a second and ask yourself this: “If I try and I don’t get it right the first time, what will I have lost and what will I have gained?” The answer is: You will have lost nothing but a little bit of your time while gaining an important lesson that will help you get it right the second or third time. People rarely get it right the first time.

8. We tend to get more when we give.
Supporting, guiding, and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. Almost everything you do comes back around in some way. Let your actions create positive ripples in your life.

9. Not much is worth fighting about today.
If you can avoid it, don’t fight. Step back from arguments with your spouse, family members, or neighbors. When you feel anger surging up, just take a break. Sleep on it. Give yourself space. Let calmness be your superpower, and then revisit the situation if you must.

10. Don’t try to impress everyone.
Purposely impressing people is an act that brings nothing but a momentary ego boost. Be real with people instead.

11. Keep having fun. Fun is way underrated!
With all of life’s responsibilities, fun will sometimes seem like an indulgence. It shouldn’t be. Make time for fun and casual play.

12. Keep it simple. There is a world of magnificence hidden in simplicity.

Identify the five most important things in your life now and focus on those things in your free time.
13. Little things stick with you.
So pay attention to them. Like watching your child sleep. Preparing a holiday meal with your family. Sharing a great laugh with an old friend. This is the real stuff life is made of. Tune in.

14. Less advice is often the best advice.
Most people don’t need lots of advice, they need to live. I’ve seen young, rocky relationships develop into wonderful marriages, and I’ve seen fleeting inspirations ignite a lifetime of passion and happiness.

15. Manage your time diligently.
Your situation and environment is ever changing, so be careful not to confuse things that are urgent with things that are important.

16. Manage your money diligently.
Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Don’t spend more than you make. Don’t spend to impress people. Don’t let your money manage you in the long run.

17. What you learn in school does matter.
While you may not use the specifics of every classroom lesson, every lesson does expand the core thought process of your mind. Over time you will develop problem-solving skills that are universally applicable.

18. Dreams will remain dreams forever if you don’t take action.
Don’t dream about it anymore. Start doing it a little bit every day. In 30 years from now, what is it that you will regret not having accomplished, appreciated, or attempted?

19. If you truly want something, you also have to want its costs.
When it comes to achieving dreams, it’s important to realize that most people want the reward without the risk. But you can’t get to a destination in life without a journey. And a journey always has costs.

20. Life is incredibly limited, and there’s beauty in this truth.
Time flies and life is short. Because the truth is, you can never be all the things you want to be and live all the lives you want to live. You can never spend all the time you want with the people you love.

In the game of life, we all receive a unique set of limitations and variables in the field of play. The question is: How will you respond to the hand you’ve been dealt? You can either focus on the lack thereof or empower yourself to play the game sensibly, making the very best of every outcome as it arises, even when it’s heartbreaking and hard to accept. In the end, what matters most is to focus on what matters most. There’s always progress and beauty to be found in accepting life’s limitations, and then making the very best of what’s in front of you.

Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to survivors of sexual assault and intimate partner violence. You may call our Jackson County office for an appointment at 256.574.5826. We also offer a 24/7 HELPline, where you can speak with trained crisis counselors at 256.716.1000. You are not alone.

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